Tuesday, August 16, 2016

Kata Cinta

Lahir dengan zaman yang berbeda membuat orang tua dan anak memiliki cara pandangan hidup yang berbeda. Pemahaman terhadap sesuatu hal menjadi berbeda. Suatu hari aku mendengar keluhan temanku tentang orang tuanya yang begitu mencemaskan, mencemaskan keberadaannya, selalu menahannya pergi jauh, dan lain-lain.

Karena kata cinta antara orang tua dan anak memiliki makna yang berbeda sehingga menjadikan wujud cinta pun menjadi berbeda. Mungkin hanya sedikit bentuk cinta yang orang tua tahu. Mungkin, hanya itu cara yang mereka tahu untuk menunjukkan cintanya. Atau mungkin, menurut mereka itulah bentuk cinta terbaik dari segala bentuk cinta yang ada.

Orang tua yang selalu menyuruhmu sudah di rumah sebelum jam 9 malam. Mereka yang selalu menanyakan kemana kamu pergi, dengan siapa, pulang jam berapa. Orang tua yang tidak mengijinkanmu mendaki gunung yang tinggi. Tidak mengijinkanmu pergi dengan laki-laki berdua. Orang tua yang tidak memberikanmu HP tercanggih saat ini. Orang tua yang selalu menyuruhmu begini dan begitu. Orang tua yang selalu marah-marah melihatmu bangun siang.

Cinta tidak selalu bermakna menjadi tindakan yang menyenangkan, tidak pernah selalu menjelma menjadi hal-hal yang membahagiakan. Justru cinta hadir dalam bentuk kepedulian dan kekhawatiran yang sering kita keluhkan.
Setelah itu cinta akan menjadi wujud keikhlasan. Membiarkanmu pergi dengan hidup barumu dengan seseorang. Membiarkanmu pergi tanpa sedikitpun mereka menahanmu untuk tetap bersama mereka.

Setelah itu cinta akan menjadi wujud-wujud yang berulang saat kita menjadi orang tua. Karena kita telah belajar bentuk cinta yang mungkin dulu kita benci. Hari itu, ketika kita menjadi orang tua. Kita akan tahu bahwa cinta benar-benar tidak sempat menjadi kata-kata karena semua telah menjadi tindakan.

-Kurniawan Gunadi

Friday, August 12, 2016


وَالَّذِينَ هُمْ عَنِ اللَّغْوِ مُعْرِضُونَ

dan orang-orang yang menjauhkan diri dari (perbuatan dan perkataan) yang tiada berguna

وَالَّذِينَ هُمْ عَنِ اللَّغْوِ مُعْرِضُونَ

dan orang-orang yang menjauhkan diri dari (perbuatan dan perkataan) yang tiada berguna

وَالَّذِينَ هُمْ عَنِ اللَّغْوِ مُعْرِضُونَ

dan orang-orang yang menjauhkan diri dari (perbuatan dan perkataan) yang tiada berguna

Life updates and sorts.


I'm sorry I don't have any post about Ramadhan or Raya or Weddings (not mine obviously). Life has been hectic.

My gratefulness is beyond anything to the facts that I'd already graduated and secured a job. After all the struggles and disappointments - Back then, all I had was a tiny amount of hope on how to restart my new life in Malaysia.

To stand up straight and try gaining back what we had lost was never easy. But when I realize where I'm at, who I'm friends with and how wonderfully life has became now, it was definitely the bitter bits that finally brought me here.

Life has so much yet to experience !

Thank you for all the loves and prayers :)

Saturday, June 25, 2016

To the persons who promised to stay but left.

I used to wonder about people coming back after they’ve decided to leave. I used to wait for the day they come back and realize that they messed up or realize that life is miserable without me. 

But then I realized that better than all this mess is someone who never leaves.

Someone who never leaves when you hit bumps in the road, someone who never leaves when the rain starts falling down on you, someone who never leaves no matter how dark it gets, someone who chooses to stay every single day.

You deserve someone who never leaves when things are not that exciting, when life becomes overwhelming for you to handle, when you are tired all the time, when you’re lost and confused and don’t know what to do next, when you keep doubting yourself and your capabilities. 

You deserve someone who never leaves even if they found a better job or made more money or bought a fancier car. Someone who never leaves when they’re at their best, when they can get anyone they want but still choose you, when they don’t even care about exploring all these other ‘options’ to realize your worth because they know what they have and they know that you are one of a kind.

You deserve someone who makes you believe that some people can stay.

You deserve someone who reminds you of how you survived, someone who reminds you of your strength, someone who reminds you of your greatness and someone who reminds you that even though you can make it on your own, they want to be there, they don’t want you to be alone this time and they want to fight your battles with you. 
Even though we all have that one person we wish could come back, what we really should wish for is someone who never leaves. Someone who left before could leave again but someone who could’ve left but decided to stay is exactly the kind of person you need to be with – is exactly the kind of person you deserve to be with. 

These were lovely written by Rania Naim. 

To dear former friends, to the persons who promised to stay but left, this is me letting go. This is me moving on. This is me, giving myself what I deserve, so much more. 

You deserve someone who doesn’t give you internal conflicts. Someone who never leaves when things get hard, when life becomes complicated, when you’re lost and confused and aren’t sure of what to do next. 

 Cheers to whoever stays.

Monday, May 16, 2016

Siapa yang berTuhan pasti akan bertahan!

"Carilah ilmu sesungguhnya ia mengajar erti kebodohan.
Dan carilah pengalaman sesungguhnya ia mengajar erti kegopohan"
As human as I can be, several days ago I was feeling depleted and far away from myself. I was finding it difficult to respond or communicate with the new environment and the people around me. I knew it was no coincidence that around the same time there is an event that I can volunteer to lend a hand, so I volunteered.

In all honesty, I am much an introvert when it comes to new people. I remember how difficult it was to get myself ready to get there, I was declining to meet them and millions of thoughts started going off in my head - 'would they like me', 'can I have a good conversation with these guys'

'Do I really have to do thissss!!!' I screamed to myself.

After a few phone calls with Hanisah trying to calm myself, I heavily lifted my feet and went in. But as soon as I got into the building I felt myself slowly connect with them, I saw my old self; happy and content. Being with them feels very much the same when I was in Japan; doing volunteering work, IPIJ etc.

When you spend time with those who have the same aim, it fulfills you and restores you.
I am very much looking forward to seeing all of them again.

Dear Ones, thank you for not giving up on us. On so many days it felt so lonely, then I realise I am never alone. To feel low sometimes is a normal thing. But choosing to chin up and wipe those tears are courage.
"tidak ada pilihan yang lagi besar selain memilih untuk bersama dengan perjuangan Islam walaupun tahu diri dalam keadaan yang sangat lemah, jangan sampai tergelincir!" pesan Ustaz Kamarudzaman pada hari Sabtu yang lepas. Somewhat a very nice admonition.
Be thankful and stay positive. Period.

Thursday, May 12, 2016

What's up?

Nasihat ummi untuk sabar dengan apa-apa kekurangan yang ada kerana itulah pelajaran yang sebenar.

I miss feeling productive, I miss feeling useful, I miss my bestest friends Hanisah, Iman and Sofia, I miss Akita, I miss feeling independent, I miss Kosen and I miss IPIJ. People constantly ask me how's life in Malaysia and honestly I felt crappy.

So after a pretty long month of trying to recover from this back-for-good syndrome (currently struggling), which most of my days were filled with movies, hanging out with friends, folding laundries, boring, locking myself in the room with books -not talking to anyone and a week or two of inconsistent iman, I am forcing myself to get back at it.

We get distracted and go off track once in a while but this time was huge for me. Since coming back to Malaysia, I've been dealing with a serious matter of internet connection at home which leads me to abandoned Usrah (and Tarbiyah). I told myself I was on break so stop whining you are okay. But obviously I am not okay feeling my iman slowly losing form.

In all honesty, I constantly think that I could have done things differently, I felt like people looked down on me because I decided to change courses after graduated engineering school. I have been whining a lot since, up until a very inspiring friend of mine, Muzammir told me that life is so colorful, that I need to appreciate every single color, because they might lead me to a beautiful portrait I've never known. - Clearly I needed someone to tell me that I am in a happy state where I can grow and find new dreams.

Hereafter is literally the reason why I decided to reboot. And I strongly believe the best way to start is to get back to Usrah. Everyday is a good day to a fresh start, so yesterday I texted ummi wanting to start back usrah in Malaysia and ummi told me that she needs 2 souls from me, literally it sounded like this
ummi perlukan kehadiran usrah dengan 2 jiwa iaitu jiwa cerdik dan rajin, cerdik uruskan masa untuk ikuti usrah, cerdik memahami usrah ada tujuan. dan rajin meningkatkan diri dan amal lepas usrah, rajin ulangkaji usrah.

All that to say, coming back to Malaysia is not bad after all, the best thing is that I can spend the days with families and friends (whose opinion I seek, shoulders that I rely on), shopping (you don't get cheap tudung in Japan!), cendol and rojak, and many many many more of halal foods, especially during those special events of weddings, parties and iftar. I already can imagine my next post with the tajuk 'Ramadan in Malaysia after so long' lol!

Nasihat ummi lagi, bila ada keyakinan mesti kena ada taklifan untuk diri. Yakin dengan syurga, taklifannya kerja!

Ya Jaabir qul kaseer, I was broken yet He mend me for many times before. So have faith, even if you were in your darkest pit.

"Dan katakanlah, 'bekerjalah kamu, maka Allah dan rasulNya, serta orang-orang mukmin akan melihat pekerjaanmu itu'"
At taubah : 105

Wednesday, April 13, 2016

Back for good!

Apalah erti hidup tanpa diuji Tuhan yang Maha Penyayang, bertujuan mengangkat kita ke darjat yang lebih tinggi asbab sabar nan indah.

Redha melepaskan apa2 kecintaan yg tidak selayaknya mendapatkan lebih cinta selain dari cinta Tuhan. Meyakini Tuhan tetap saja akan terus memberi.

All endings are also beginnings. Manusia merancang, sedang Tuhan sebaik-baik perancang.

Jalan cerita dan cabaran baru pula mulai saat ini!

Monday, April 11, 2016

'Perjuangan yang mungkin paling sulit dilakukan bukanlah memperjuangkan apa yang ingin dicapai atau dimiliki, melainkan melepaskan apa-apa yang disenangi dan dicintai.

Perjuangan untuk melepaskan segala bentuk kecintaan pada hal-hal yang memang tidak selayaknya mendapatkan lebih banyak cinta selain kepada Tuhan.

Urusan melepaskan benar-benar menguji kita untuk semakin beriman dan mensyukuri. Seresah apapun perjalanan ini, moga kita semakin faham bahwa jalan ini ada tujuannya. '
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