Monday, May 16, 2016

Siapa yang berTuhan pasti akan bertahan!

"Carilah ilmu sesungguhnya ia mengajar erti kebodohan.
Dan carilah pengalaman sesungguhnya ia mengajar erti kegopohan"
As human as I can be, several days ago I was feeling depleted and far away from myself. I was finding it difficult to respond or communicate with the new environment and the people around me. I knew it was no coincidence that around the same time there is an event that I can volunteer to lend a hand, so I volunteered.

In all honesty, I am much an introvert when it comes to new people. I remember how difficult it was to get myself ready to get there, I was declining to meet them and millions of thoughts started going off in my head - 'would they like me', 'can I have a good conversation with these guys'

'Do I really have to do thissss!!!' I screamed to myself.

After a few phone calls with Hanisah trying to calm myself, I heavily lifted my feet and went in. But as soon as I got into the building I felt myself slowly connect with them, I saw my old self; happy and content. Being with them feels very much the same when I was in Japan; doing volunteering work, IPIJ etc.

When you spend time with those who have the same aim, it fulfills you and restores you.
I am very much looking forward to seeing all of them again.

Dear Ones, thank you for not giving up on us. On so many days it felt so lonely, then I realise I am never alone. To feel low sometimes is a normal thing. But choosing to chin up and wipe those tears are courage.
"tidak ada pilihan yang lagi besar selain memilih untuk bersama dengan perjuangan Islam walaupun tahu diri dalam keadaan yang sangat lemah, jangan sampai tergelincir!" pesan Ustaz Kamarudzaman pada hari Sabtu yang lepas. Somewhat a very nice admonition.
Be thankful and stay positive. Period.

Thursday, May 12, 2016

What's up?

Nasihat ummi untuk sabar dengan apa-apa kekurangan yang ada kerana itulah pelajaran yang sebenar.

I miss feeling productive, I miss feeling useful, I miss my bestest friends Hanisah, Iman and Sofia, I miss Akita, I miss feeling independent, I miss Kosen and I miss IPIJ. People constantly ask me how's life in Malaysia and honestly I felt crappy.

So after a pretty long month of trying to recover from this back-for-good syndrome (currently struggling), which most of my days were filled with movies, hanging out with friends, folding laundries, boring, locking myself in the room with books -not talking to anyone and a week or two of inconsistent iman, I am forcing myself to get back at it.

We get distracted and go off track once in a while but this time was huge for me. Since coming back to Malaysia, I've been dealing with a serious matter of internet connection at home which leads me to abandoned Usrah (and Tarbiyah). I told myself I was on break so stop whining you are okay. But obviously I am not okay feeling my iman slowly losing form.

In all honesty, I constantly think that I could have done things differently, I felt like people looked down on me because I decided to change courses after graduated engineering school. I have been whining a lot since, up until a very inspiring friend of mine, Muzammir told me that life is so colorful, that I need to appreciate every single color, because they might lead me to a beautiful portrait I've never known. - Clearly I needed someone to tell me that I am in a happy state where I can grow and find new dreams.

Hereafter is literally the reason why I decided to reboot. And I strongly believe the best way to start is to get back to Usrah. Everyday is a good day to a fresh start, so yesterday I texted ummi wanting to start back usrah in Malaysia and ummi told me that she needs 2 souls from me, literally it sounded like this
ummi perlukan kehadiran usrah dengan 2 jiwa iaitu jiwa cerdik dan rajin, cerdik uruskan masa untuk ikuti usrah, cerdik memahami usrah ada tujuan. dan rajin meningkatkan diri dan amal lepas usrah, rajin ulangkaji usrah.

All that to say, coming back to Malaysia is not bad after all, the best thing is that I can spend the days with families and friends (whose opinion I seek, shoulders that I rely on), shopping (you don't get cheap tudung in Japan!), cendol and rojak, and many many many more of halal foods, especially during those special events of weddings, parties and iftar. I already can imagine my next post with the tajuk 'Ramadan in Malaysia after so long' lol!

Nasihat ummi lagi, bila ada keyakinan mesti kena ada taklifan untuk diri. Yakin dengan syurga, taklifannya kerja!

Ya Jaabir qul kaseer, I was broken yet He mend me for many times before. So have faith, even if you were in your darkest pit.

"Dan katakanlah, 'bekerjalah kamu, maka Allah dan rasulNya, serta orang-orang mukmin akan melihat pekerjaanmu itu'"
At taubah : 105
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